Dr's Appointment

Cindy was in to see the doctor today, and all is going well:

• Heartbeat: 150's (Good)
• Weight gain:  17lb
• All the tests from last time came back fine
• Ultrasound was fine

We schedule the c-section on her next visit, in a month.

The pregnancy.....it's back

Cindy is pregnant -- for real.

We were kind of lulled into believing it was easy this time, but that was just the second trimester.   The second trimester makes it look easy.  There is a glow and a optimism in the second trimester.   There isn't the hormone dump of the first trimester.   There isn't a fully formed human being in her tummy, or a sense of urgency, like the third trimester.

So, anyway, we aren't forgetting that she's pregnant anymore.   It's becoming more real and present, again.

Speak up

Lily was at the side of the bed when I woke up.   She said '(get) up', mimicking what her mom was saying at the time, and many times before, in mornings past.  It's the first time I've identified that word, but probably not the first time she used it.

You can't always make out some of her gibberish statements, but I always pay attention.   The experts say that very little gibberish is actually gibberish, per se.  At the very least it's filler where they want to say something, but don't know how to.   Often, it's practice speech, as she hones the phonemes which make up words.  

Right now she can pick apart sentences, which is why she picked apart the phrase 'get up' to the actionable objective word, while ignoring the real verb.  This might show promise, since it's not just conveying the wording that results in action by parents/caregivers -- like you see when she says 'all-done' and gets out of the high chair.  In all likelihood she understands a great deal more than she says right now.

Overall, her language is progressing, at least like it should.   She can imitate most words you ask her to say, assuming she's in the mood, and has built good sized practical vocabulary for a couple weeks past 18 months.   Just this last few days she used 'up' and 'orange', appropriately, in unprompted situations.

So, I'm bragging, a little.  With respect to Keillor, all the kids in Shelby Twp are above average too.

Healthy big little girl

Lily's doctor appointment:

• Weight:  85th Percentile
• Height:   90-95th Percentile
• Head:     97-100th Percentile

The doctor said she should know about 15 to 20 words right now, so we counted the words she uses without being prompted:

Mommy, Daddy, dog, kitty, cheese, apple, banana, hi, bye, water, bottle, yogurt, mine, no, yea, green, more, all-done, baby, ball, eat, Elmo, please, pee, wow, woah, 'meow'

Pregnancy and Miscellany

Our two favorite boy names, right now, are Nathaniel and Joel.  There are probably 5 or 6 other names that simmer below that and, given the time left, are just as likely.

It's bizarre how secondary all pregnancy related issues are this time around.   Even now that it's visually obvious, it's very easy to forget Cindy is even pregnant.   She even forgets about it sometimes, and she's the one who feels the little guy moving all over the place.

Even the birth could be anti-climactic, given that it may well be scheduled, C-section, and done.   Of course, my assumption here is based on my only other experience.  The doctor tried to force Lily out with an induced pregnancy a week after the due date, but still had to resort to the C-Section - pull her out.   Lily didn't want to leave the uterus.   The boy might kick things off himself, on his own (faster) timeline.

Lily has her 18-month check up today, at 2:30.

Bedtime is easy

I'm not naive enough to believe that that anything that happens while parenting is how it will always be, but getting Lily to sleep is very easy.   I have it down to a science.

I'm the one that does it every night.    Typically, around 9:30, we ask her if she's ready to go to sleep.   If it's 9:30, she'll almost always say 'yes'.   She'll give her mom a kiss, then grab my hand and say 'bye' a few times as we walk down the hall to her room.  I let her flick off the light switch, and from there it takes 5 to 10 minutes of rocking or waiting in the room.   She rarely fusses or complains in any way, and almost always sleeps solidly till 6AM the next day.

I'm sure, as her mind matures and expands the ability to reason, cajole & negotiate - there might be some changes that come our way.   She'll start to see some benefit to extending the day or realize that she can say 'no' and stay up - that it's an option.

Still, this is a shock to me.  I have a hard time going to sleep, at my age.   I never thought any child, at any age, willfully went to bed.

Toddler rebellion and fetal kicks

Lily has said 'No' for a while.  It originally sound like an emphatic 'oh'.   Over the last couple weeks she's added in the 'n' phoneme, so it sounds complete - 'No'.   More importantly, she's started to use the word a lot.   Willful disobedience has become her favorite activity.  

When she gets something she shouldn't it's 'mine mine mine', when you ask her to do something it's 'no no no', and when you want her to come to you, she just runs away.   Strategies that work one week, don't the next.  She's at an age where you can almost watch her brain growing, along with the resulting manipulative powers.  Thankfully, we are still able to catch her when she runs away and outsmart her when needed.

I felt the baby boy kick last night.  Cindy has felt it for about a week, but thought it might just be gas.  He was moving all over the place though - a very active little guy.

Nature vs Nurture

Nurture was my biggest fear before becoming a parent.  I worried that I'd be too strict, not strict enough or make one errant comment and create the next Hitler or Columbine shooter.  I worried that I'd delay teaching the alphabet by a month and create another illiterate.  I worried that I couldn't teach reason & rational thought, and, God forbid, create another Republican.

Now that I'm a parent, my biggest fear is Nature.  I still look at my own flaws, but it's the ones I was conceived with rather then the day-to-day variety that cause concern.   It just seems that kids, something everyone was once (if they are not anymore), are more resilient than we are lead to believe.  

Every day, throughout human history, people have grown up in hardship and in ease, with good parents and bad, in wealth and poverty, sickness and health, yin and yang, this and that.....but they all turn out.  Good fruit comes from bad trees and bad fruit comes from good trees.  In this case - there is no correlation.  No one trusts a Preacher and everyone knows about his daughter.

The fact is (and studies show this) - our peers have a bigger effect on nurturing us than our parents.   It's the people we associate with that best reflect on what we are or will become, which itself is likely factored into by how nature has guided us.  Meaning, this is the effect, not the cause.  It's our genes that predispose us to attraction, impulses, addiction, etc...and it's our genes that, for the most part, picked those peers.

As a parent, I can fill my child's brain bucket, but I can't reprogram.  I can offer experiences and teach my child everything I'm capable of teaching, but I have no power over what she'll do with that knowledge.   The coding for the mind - that amazing piece of ROM that enables us to use language (the medium of thought), and complex abstract processing, after just a few years of on-site exposure - that's set in the gene's.   That's there from the start and there is no reason in science to believe we have much of any effect over something that complex.    That's why kids look AND THINK like their parents, because the genes that make up the base are a blend of the parents earliest contribution.

Nature is ultimately the biggest factor, even if it's not fun to admit......even if that gives up to Jehovah's creation and science what many a parent have assumed, and attempted, to dominate.

Giving up the breast

Originally, Cindy said she'd try breast feeding for a couple weeks.  That became six months, which later became a year.   Only now, the week Lily turns 18-months, have we begun the final wean.

Lily has been off the breast since Monday.

The first few days were hell.  She cried.  She screamed.  She tantrumed.   That was just Cindy too -- Lily took it even worse.    Just kidding, Cindy didn't take it that hard (Lily really did).   Cindy clearly does miss it though, because, while breastfeeding is an odd sight in this modern age, it's a uniquely bonding experience for both parties.  

So, the first few days were rough, but things really started to calm down by day 4.   By that time, she only cried in short bursts and calmed quickly through other comforting.

The amazing thing has been the end effect.   Lily found a new way to comfort herself - she put her head on mom's shoulder.    This is something she rarely did before......why bother when you can have the boob?

Kissing boys

Every morning we make sure to say goodbye with a kiss.  Typically, Cindy is holding Lily as they walk out the door.  Cindy and I kiss, then Lily & I (if she lets me), then Cindy gives Lily a kiss.   It has become a ritual, but is always sincere, touching and consistently memorable.  

Today it struck me that I don't know what to do with a boy.  Do you kiss your son?   Is there some cut-off age?  I don't get the rules, or even what's best.

The good thing is that I had the similar concerns with Lily, and I not only figured everything out (so far), but it just came naturally.   Hopefully that trend continues.

Why Pax Familia?

Literally, 'Pax Familia' means 'peaceful family/household' in Latin, and that's why it works as a name for this blog.

It's also a not so subtle allusion to terms such as Pax Romana or Pax Americana.   Those are used to describe the peace brought on by a dominant power in the world, in this case the Roman empire and current American empire, respectively.   The irony of that 'peace' are the huge armies, revolts and countless battles fought to retain that position.  

It's peaceful and grand, but it's not easy.