Lily has become very jealous of any attention Nate receives. She becomes hostile whenever her brother gets fed, changed or receives any special attention.
This is very normal behavior, which is very difficult to respond to. She's not at an age where you can expect a great deal of self control, so time outs or other punishment isn't very effective. Another option would be reversing feedback, essentially increasing praise to Nate rather then respond to Lily's outbursts, but this would be difficult to carry out, manipulative, somewhat cruel and not assured to work.
What we might be left with is just waiting her out. Eventually her communication ability will catch up and she can talk about her feelings rather then act up. Until then, it is a rocky road.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Rollover
Nate had one mission, one passion and one goal, this past weekend - he wanted to roll over. He wanted to get fully on his side, or maybe even to a belly down position.
After a great deal of effort, it worked. He went from his back to his stomach in one clean roll. He looked happy with his accomplishment, and was content on his stomach. He then turned his attention to moving around from the stomach position, maybe even in an attempt to go from stomach to back. Unfortunately, he only managed to spin in circles in sort of a beginners crawl, which was impressive on its own.
He tried to flip from back to stomach, again, later that night, but had little success. He'd almost get fully to his side, but then fall back. Still, it was a pretty impressive weekend, and not even so much for the accomplishment, but rather the determination and persistence he displayed in achieving it.
Perseverance is a great personality trait, and that's what he displayed. He groaned and struggled in an all-out attempt. He wanted to find some way to manipulate his little arms and legs in some manner which would propel him over to his side.
He tried to flip from back to stomach, again, later that night, but had little success. He'd almost get fully to his side, but then fall back. Still, it was a pretty impressive weekend, and not even so much for the accomplishment, but rather the determination and persistence he displayed in achieving it.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Three months with Nate
Nate is 3 months old today. The three months went much like our first three months with Lily, in the sense that it was a time of crazy transitions, stress and even frustration, that you look back on more fondly than any of the more mundane periods in life.
Nate's personality is slowly trickling out. He smiles now. He's calm. He demands little. He rarely complains, if he's not hungry. He just loves a funny face and to watch his sister, even when she's crowding over the little guy a bit too much.
He's got a sister that loves him, even if she's a bit jealous. She steals attention he would otherwise get, just by virtue of being a typical two year old, but he doesn't seem to mind. He'll continue to learn a lot from her as time goes on, and I'm sure most of it will be things we want him to know.
Nate's personality is slowly trickling out. He smiles now. He's calm. He demands little. He rarely complains, if he's not hungry. He just loves a funny face and to watch his sister, even when she's crowding over the little guy a bit too much.
He's got a sister that loves him, even if she's a bit jealous. She steals attention he would otherwise get, just by virtue of being a typical two year old, but he doesn't seem to mind. He'll continue to learn a lot from her as time goes on, and I'm sure most of it will be things we want him to know.
Monday, June 14, 2010
The Sexualization of Girlhood
This is a great piece from the NY Times Magazine about a disturbing trend.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/magazine/13fob-wwln-t.html
What's most troubling is that even parents who would limit such exposure are limited in effecting the power of peers. They'll see it in school.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/13/magazine/13fob-wwln-t.html
What's most troubling is that even parents who would limit such exposure are limited in effecting the power of peers. They'll see it in school.
Vocabulary, Sounds and Simple Sentences
Lily is a month and a week past her second birthday, and it would be impossible to count the number of words she speaks, much less recognizes. Her ability to understand what you say makes it a tough age, because we are forced to censure what we say, even when her ability to comprehend isn't immediately obvious.
Her pronunciation can be rough. She says 'park' with a Boston accent - 'pawhk'. Words like blanket and blueberry can sound similar. Sometimes we just don't understand the word she's using -- typically because she has never said it before. She'll patiently repeat it, but has been forced to point out specifically what she's referring to, at times. It's because of this that we make it a point to repeat words, emphasizing sounds ('ch', for example) that she appears to have trouble pronouncing.
Her phonetic speaking ability is steadily improving. A suddenly clear 'F' sound for example - just happens overnight. One day she'll just start to use a word we have become familiar with in an updated, clearer form. So, 'o' became 'no' and 'Botha' becomes 'Brother'.
We don't just see her hone the speaking and fill up the vocabulary, but she also has begun to borrow mannerisms. So, the answer to a question isn't just 'yes'....it's 'ummm, yes'. It's hard not to laugh, because it's easy to hear us saying the same thing and Lily's rendition could almost be interpreted as satire (if she was capable of that).
The original multi-word combinations are probably the most impressive thing of all. She has combined words to create relatively complex sentences. So, she'll say "I want out of house mom" or "I want to ride [in] dadda's truck" or "Lily in daycare [and] Nate in [the] baby room".
None of this is really a surprise, because language is supposed to explode at this point. It is still a lot of fun to watch.
Her pronunciation can be rough. She says 'park' with a Boston accent - 'pawhk'. Words like blanket and blueberry can sound similar. Sometimes we just don't understand the word she's using -- typically because she has never said it before. She'll patiently repeat it, but has been forced to point out specifically what she's referring to, at times. It's because of this that we make it a point to repeat words, emphasizing sounds ('ch', for example) that she appears to have trouble pronouncing.
Her phonetic speaking ability is steadily improving. A suddenly clear 'F' sound for example - just happens overnight. One day she'll just start to use a word we have become familiar with in an updated, clearer form. So, 'o' became 'no' and 'Botha' becomes 'Brother'.
We don't just see her hone the speaking and fill up the vocabulary, but she also has begun to borrow mannerisms. So, the answer to a question isn't just 'yes'....it's 'ummm, yes'. It's hard not to laugh, because it's easy to hear us saying the same thing and Lily's rendition could almost be interpreted as satire (if she was capable of that).
The original multi-word combinations are probably the most impressive thing of all. She has combined words to create relatively complex sentences. So, she'll say "I want out of house mom" or "I want to ride [in] dadda's truck" or "Lily in daycare [and] Nate in [the] baby room".
None of this is really a surprise, because language is supposed to explode at this point. It is still a lot of fun to watch.
Apples and Oranges
One of the clearest memories I have of bringing Lily home from the hospital was on the very first night. It was late and Cindy was sleeping. Lily fell asleep, and I placed her gently in the crib. Her eyes opened the moment I set her down. Her brow furrowed. She cried. She screamed.
This was the moment that I was sure I was in over my head. It was a very shocking moment. There was a pit in the stomach from very real fear. Lily has been demanding since, but I've learned that we can deal with it.
The only real shock since bringing Nate home is that he's so much different.
My concern for the first couple months was that he would grow up incapable of empathy - that he was autistic. I had this fear, in part, because he didn't require constant interaction with mom & dad. He has gone into the crib, willingly, from the beginning. He'll sit in the swing, contentedly watching the room. He never gives that furrowed brow look the moment you set him down, and even his cry is delayed till after a period of quiet whimpering.
Now I see that he doesn't need the interaction, but still loves it. He's showing a personality and loves to see funny faces - or just faces (even if the ceiling fan still can be fun to look at too).
Cindy says that Lily's behavior was a product of how we treated her as an infant. We let her sleep in our bed when she cried, for example. I don't buy that. I think we've seen the personality signs from day one, and they will play out into how they act as adults. Nate could just as easily have slept in our bed every night, but he never demanded it.
Personality-wise, they were born what they are. Very different and each, like every child, very special.
This was the moment that I was sure I was in over my head. It was a very shocking moment. There was a pit in the stomach from very real fear. Lily has been demanding since, but I've learned that we can deal with it.
The only real shock since bringing Nate home is that he's so much different.
My concern for the first couple months was that he would grow up incapable of empathy - that he was autistic. I had this fear, in part, because he didn't require constant interaction with mom & dad. He has gone into the crib, willingly, from the beginning. He'll sit in the swing, contentedly watching the room. He never gives that furrowed brow look the moment you set him down, and even his cry is delayed till after a period of quiet whimpering.
Now I see that he doesn't need the interaction, but still loves it. He's showing a personality and loves to see funny faces - or just faces (even if the ceiling fan still can be fun to look at too).
Cindy says that Lily's behavior was a product of how we treated her as an infant. We let her sleep in our bed when she cried, for example. I don't buy that. I think we've seen the personality signs from day one, and they will play out into how they act as adults. Nate could just as easily have slept in our bed every night, but he never demanded it.
Personality-wise, they were born what they are. Very different and each, like every child, very special.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The End of FMLA
Cindy was able to breastfeed Lily for the first year - which was incredible - but it wasn't easy. Now that she's returning to work, and Nate beginning daycare, that stress is back, along with every other.
The good thing is that we are definitely more prepared this time. We kind of know what to expect. It's also nice to know that Nate is easy going and he's going to have his big sister there to protect him. We still have to make more adjustments though. It will mean more work for both of us, and might even mean stuff like bringing in a weekly/semi-weekly maid service. Anything, just to make it all work.
And then, even when it all works, time is going to be shorter. It's kind of cruel that you get home from work at 6pm and the kids go to bed at 8pm.
FMLA is a real 'Family Value' Issue
FMLA, or the Family Medical Leave Act, was signed into law by President Bill Clinton, in 1993. It guarantees you your job, in cases where you have to leave to have a baby, take care of a family member or get sick yourself. This 'safe' period can last up to 3 months once you have worked long enough at a company that is large enough (50 employees). During this time you might qualify for disability payments, depending on why you are out. This is nice, but doesn't go far enough. Canada and most European countries offer up to a year, and typically with some portion of your pay through unemployment insurance, or similar programs.
FMLA is lacking when you consider that breastfeeding a child for six months can save 1000 lives and billions of dollars every year. Unfortunately, the vast majority of women in this country do NOT do it, often because of the stress in returning to work. The study linked above says that only 14% breastfeed to 6 months and the drop off at 3 months - the point FMLA expires - is precipitous.
It's really a disturbing that our society values children so little. The same people making a markedly futile attempt to protect every unborn child could care less about the born. The people who claimed 'family values' don't value the family as anything more than commodities for labor and profit.
This is why I'm a Democrat. Republicans uniformly voted against the meager FMLA, and would do that again if they could. They would have taken this precious time away from everyone, and for what - to 'protect' businesses? The year this law was signed marked the beginning of this longest economic expansion in US History, under the Clinton Administration.
FMLA is lacking when you consider that breastfeeding a child for six months can save 1000 lives and billions of dollars every year. Unfortunately, the vast majority of women in this country do NOT do it, often because of the stress in returning to work. The study linked above says that only 14% breastfeed to 6 months and the drop off at 3 months - the point FMLA expires - is precipitous.
It's really a disturbing that our society values children so little. The same people making a markedly futile attempt to protect every unborn child could care less about the born. The people who claimed 'family values' don't value the family as anything more than commodities for labor and profit.
This is why I'm a Democrat. Republicans uniformly voted against the meager FMLA, and would do that again if they could. They would have taken this precious time away from everyone, and for what - to 'protect' businesses? The year this law was signed marked the beginning of this longest economic expansion in US History, under the Clinton Administration.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Jealousy
Lily is showing clear signs of jealousy when Nate gets attention. Typically it happens when he is feeding. This is an activity that's clearly a bonding experience with Mom, and something she was able to participate in not so long ago.
Yesterday, while Nate was feeding, in the same room, Lily came to me and demanded that I get out of a chair and pick her up (sitting on my lap wasn't good enough). When I told her that I couldn't do it at that time, she walked over and hit her mom. This is a clear signal where her anger was really directed.
She has hit Cindy and I before, and it has always keyed on some inability to communicate anger at something. It started when she was under 18 months, and peaked not long after. As her language ability has exploded over the last 6 months - the 'violence' has decreased. Until recently, these outbursts had all but disappeared. It has come back recently and in almost every case it's centered on incidents that are related to jealousy.
This doesn't really worry me. It's a just a matter of some complex feelings combined with an inability to articulate them. Pretty soon her language skills will catch up with her feelings. There will still be jealousy, but if there are signs - we can talk to her about it.
Yesterday, while Nate was feeding, in the same room, Lily came to me and demanded that I get out of a chair and pick her up (sitting on my lap wasn't good enough). When I told her that I couldn't do it at that time, she walked over and hit her mom. This is a clear signal where her anger was really directed.
She has hit Cindy and I before, and it has always keyed on some inability to communicate anger at something. It started when she was under 18 months, and peaked not long after. As her language ability has exploded over the last 6 months - the 'violence' has decreased. Until recently, these outbursts had all but disappeared. It has come back recently and in almost every case it's centered on incidents that are related to jealousy.
This doesn't really worry me. It's a just a matter of some complex feelings combined with an inability to articulate them. Pretty soon her language skills will catch up with her feelings. There will still be jealousy, but if there are signs - we can talk to her about it.
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