Our little girl is growing up

Lily had her first dance recital this past weekend.   We packed her backpack full of necessities, but there is one thing she asked that we NOT take - a pull up diaper.   It's not something she really uses anymore, but it was in the bag from a long time ago.   She didn't want it in the bag at the recital for fear that other kid's there might see it.

Then today when she woke up I asked what she wanted for breakfast, and she said "one minute, I'm going to put on lipstick (chapstick) before breakfast".

Words, music and mechanical inclinations

In the last few weeks we've watched as Nate's vocabulary has exploded.   It started with two word combos, but he'll often take on even longer phrases.   Even his teachers have noted how much more vocal he has become.

He also loves to sing and is instantly drawn to music.   His dancing is almost too good, in my opinion.   He's spent a little too much time watching his sister's along with other adjacent dance classes.   Let's just say that every time I see him shake his hips, I feel the urgent need to bring him to a hockey rink.

The other thing we see is a mechanical inclination.   He likes to take things apart - removing the canister on the vacuum, parts of his crib or even copy machines.   Once he figures something out he can repeat the action easily....and he often does just that.   When he determined how to remove the canister on the vacuum, he was back ripping it off the moment you turned away from him.   Take your eyes off him for a minute and in no time, there he is, dragging the canister across the kitchen floor.

What's for Lunch?

We get to pack the kid's lunches for the new school.   I took on the task and looked at it as a great opportunity to improve their nutrition.

In the beginning I was filled with optimism.   Carrots, celery and a variety of healthy sandwiches.  I did my research - switching from Albacore Tuna to Chunk Light, for example, since it has less mercury.

Then I learned that kids eat what kid's will eat.    You can only have so many returned Tuna fish sandwiches and packages of mini carrots before giving up.  You might be able to talk them into trying new stuff at home, but what they eat out of a bag at school is up to them. 

So now every lunch is pretty much a mix of the following (and the odds that it's mostly eaten before getting home):

Sunflower seed (peanut butter alternative) & preserve sandwich.  (90%)

Clif Z-Bar  (75%)

Crackers & Cheese packets (75%)

Mozzarella cheese stick  (70%)

Apple Sauce squeezer  (70%)

Organic Grapes - cut up into safe bites  (70%)

Organic Apples - sliced up  (25%)

Mini box of raisins   (2%)

Carrot or celery sticks (0%)

Tuna Fish sandwich (0%)

Little Tommy

My sisters swear that I was a very active toddler.    I was constantly in motion and perpetually bruised from falls.  Well, apparently Nate got my genes in this regard.

At home he's a whirlwind.  He does what he wants until you stop him, and before you have time to clean up the mess he has moved on to the next thing.  In school he's worse.  We watch him on the web cam climbing tables, dumping out boxes and generally not doing what he's supposed to.   Cindy and I regularly apologize to his teachers.    Hopefully it's his age, and we'll laugh about all this when he's 3.     Hopefully.

One of his favorite things right now is to walk behind, pat my back and say 'bag bag rad'.   Piggy back rides.   I run him from one side of the house to the other, and then do the same for his sister.  

Watching Babies

Lily doesn't like to watch television.    Even the best cartoons from Pixar and Disney fail to hold her interest.        At school they show a movie every Friday afternoon, and her teachers know to give her a desk activity to keep her occupied.    Our one trip to the movie theater ended before the film.    

But then we found Babies.   This is a documentary about 4 babies from different parts of the world.   It doesn't have a narrator, but offers a visual narrative of their lives from birth to walking.    I put this on, and Lily watched it from beginning to end.    

She's asked to watch it again multiple times in the week and a half since.   Instead I sit with her and cruise YouTube clips of babies laughing, babbling, crawling, etc.   I'll put the movie on again, but I don't want her to get in the mindset of watching television daily or even as a regular activity.

The great baby (stuff) purge of 11/11/11

We are officially going to have only two kids.   There will be no more, because it's medically impossible.  (Or, a certain doctor/lab has a major malpractice suit on their hands).   So begins the great baby stuff purge of 11/11/11.  

This weekend will involve trips to the Salvation Army and Goodwill.  Maybe we'll try to find someone who can use the stuff first, but the important thing is that it all goes, and goes fast.

A new school

 Just over a month ago Lily started her new school.   Nate joined her at the new place a couple weeks after that, on the day after he turned 18 months old (the required age for the toddler room).    

It has been relatively painless transition and many of the changes were much appreciated.   We like to pack their lunches, so we know what they are being fed.   We like the location, since Cindy can see it from her office window (or at least some office windows in her building).   We like the atmosphere, a controlled yet active and nurturing environment.  

We've seen countless improvements in manners and the effect of the time the school spends on practical skills.   For example, Lily likes to help fold clothes now and has become almost obsessed with folding towels (or Montessori rugs) properly when finished using them.   We see little changes everyday, like doing the vampire when she coughs (into the elbow, like the CDC recommends).

The kid's have adjusted well.  We worried for a while about Lily finding new friends.    She was in the old daycare program since the age of 3 months and had established close ties to many kids.    We talked to her about how to make friends and introduce herself.    

About two weeks into her time at the school she announced that she was friends with 'Robert and Bobbia', which was nice to hear even if there was some concern that these friends were imaginary.    

Finally, the biggest change with the new school is how well it suits helicopter parenting.   Each day while at work we can watch webcams located in each of the classrooms.     So, yesterday Cindy and I were ecstatic and frantically messaging each other when we saw the first image on the right.    That's Lily playing with the very real Robert (the also real Bobbia is behind the bookshelf). 

It isn't all good.    The second picture is Nate sitting on the teachers lap.  That's an honor he gets regularly, since he's not one to sit still for circle time.   We also cringed when Lily ran from the teacher because she didn't want to sit still.

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Seussian Liberal Propaganda

There are three great books from Seuss that I can't read (and discuss) enough with Lily.   Glenn Beck would probably frown on these books since they are filled with liberal propaganda about stuff like protecting the environment and acknowledging that we are all the same inside, but my daughter and I both love them.

Yertle the Turtle - The story of Yertle a power hungry turtle and king of the pond, who will stop at nothing to make his throne larger.   Unfortunately it's a throne built by stacking up all the other turtles in the pond.   Eventually, just your average everyday turtle at the bottom topples Yertle from his throne.

When we read this we tend to talk about how our actions can hurt or help others.   I used it to point out things like how it's OK for her to carry her brother, but she has to stop if cries.   The lesson is to take other people's feelings into account.

What she doesn't understand with this story is some deeper meaning about man and the excesses taken by governments and kings.   That's probably the least important part, as it should come naturally if you have empathy on an individual level.


Sneetches -  The Sneetches appear to live on beaches, eat processed meats and party (they like Frankfurter roasts).  They have settled into a caste system dividing those with stars on their belly and those without.  This book tells the story of how a huckster teaches them an expensive but priceless lesson -- that, star on the belly or not, they are all Sneetches.

This opens a really amazing range of conversations when reading the book.   We talk about the differences in each person - how everyone has a different face, body shape and moles, but everyone has the same emotions inside.   We also talk about empathy, and how the star-less Sneetches feel bad when left out of the Frankfurter roasts, etc.

What I sense she doesn't understand is the motivations of the con man/carnival barker who's actions precipitate the end of this caste system.   She appears to understand why someone might be excluded because of an external difference, but it's not clear if she gets how scrambling that criteria could teach a lesson.


The Lorax - Told as a flash back in the bleak and desolate present, this is a blunt force argument for the tree-huggers.   The Lorax is the penultimate tree-hugger, as the 'voice of the trees' and is unable to convince the greedy Once-Ler from destroying a beautiful forest and its joyous and vibrant denizens.

Ok, while I love this one, it's mostly over her head.   She doesn't appear to understand the greed or the motivation for capitalism (much like the Huckster from Sneetches).    What she appears to get is how cutting down the trees ruins the environment for the animals on the land, sea and air though.   That's a start, and with repeated readings this book will eventually be just a vivid allegory rather then a lesson.  

Cognition comes quick.  It wasn't so long ago that Green Eggs and Ham was over her head.  I still know Pooh Loves You by heart, cover to cover (and haven't read it in months, thankfully).    We still read under and over her head now, and will keep doing that, just so long as she's listening.

A soccer ball, carousel, ferris wheel and lions & Tigers too

We had a busy day on Saturday.

Nate went to soccer for the first time.    Cindy took him, in part because I was sick.    Lily didn't go because she was misbehaving.    She was acting up.  She was threatened.  Then she tested us.    It's tough keeping your kid from doing fun stuff, but it was definitely the right thing to do.

Then we all packed up and went to the Zoo for Cindy's work picnic.   We had lunch, then had about an hour to walk the zoo.   Making the most of it, we saw some type of Monkey (Nate yelled 'doggy') and Lions and Tigers (Nate yelled 'tiger') and Rhino butts and Peacocks (Nate yelled 'an-mul') and Giraffe's and more....and then we high-tailed it for the exit.

Our next stop was Comerica Park, for a game between the Detroit Tigers and the Minnesota Twins.   This was the first Tiger's game for both Lily and Nate, and if they watched the game they would have seen the hottest team in the league win an exciting game with the last swing of the bat.    We didn't watch much of the game.

I didn't expect Nate to follow the game, but figured the crowd would mesmerize him for a couple innings.   We didn't even get a couple minutes.    I think we'd have had an easier time bringing a cat to the game, because he had no interest in staying still.    He's in the Terrible Two's, so it's kind of expected.

We did the ferris wheel and walked the stadium (with Nate in the stroller).    We missed all but one run (Minnesota's sacrifice fly to tie it up).     Cindy and Lily were just exiting the carousel when the crowd roared.    We saw glimpses on a monitor of Brandon Inge's game winning walk-off homer in the bottom of the ninth.


It was a great day.

Coping with a little Weaner

Taking away the primary source of nutrition and comfort for a 1.5 year old is bound to create some tension.  

Actually, tension is a bit of an understatement.   The first night after Nate was cutoff from feeding, he even became physically abusive with mom & dad.   He found it especially offensive when we offered him a bottle, viewing it as a 'booby prize' of sorts.   He'd smack at the bottle, and occasionally take a swing at us, if only to break up long periods of cries and tears.    He didn't get much sleep that night and the tears were still coming well past midnight.  

The next morning he woke up to dad.  This, unfortunately, is not the person who has been there when he woke up every other morning.   The person who was ready to offer a morning feeding was nowhere to be found.   Needless to say, this didn't sit well with the little guy.     Eventually, he accepted his fate, an alternative food source, and instantly became the pleasant fella we know him to be. 

The next night was rocky, but much less eventful, and my guess is that each night from here on out will go even smoother.

Next week he turns 18 months old (1.5 years) and a day after that he starts at a new school.    

He's growing up and he makes me happier every day.

The Start of the Rebellion

We went out to a restaurant to talk about big things, and Nate surprised us with a shocker of his own.    In a way that only an 18 month can, he told us that he's entered the Terrible Two's, and had abandoned that whole easy going and docile persona we've known for the first 17 months.   It was a big scene, and we handled it like people that had handled these issues before (with a little girl).     

So, he decided to stop listening, and it's probably safe to say that was just a start.  

As Veterans, we know this phase ends, eventually.   I won't miss it when it does.

Must read for parents and parents-to-be

I've read a lot of books on brain science, and while it's fascinating, real world application is typically limited.  

Brain Rules for Babies is the rare book that stays true to the science and delivers level headed advice on parenting.    It's a very easy read and focused squarely on the earliest years of development, even explaining how important the prenatal period is.  

Everyone who has or might have kids should read this book.

The author's other book Brain Rules (ostensibly for adults) is also a easy and valuable read.

Consolidating bedtime routines

Up till now, Bedtime has been two separate tasks.   1) get Nate down and 2) get Lily down.    One of us takes the first task (it's always Cindy, but was exclusively me for a while), which mostly involves rocking and/or feeding him down.   The other person works with Lily, which involves reading books, tests of patience and a more than a little cajoling.

Recently, we decided to begin consolidating bedtime.   Nate's hinting that he's ready to sit for books and Lily was displaying jealousy at (what she saw as) the favorable treatment her mother gave Nate at bedtime.

So, Nate was brought into his sisters room for bedtime books.  

We read two great Dr Seuss books that night:  "The Lorax" and "I Wish I Had Duck Feet".   Lily sat calmly in her bed listening to each book, while her brother trashed her room.   He crawled onto her bed, climbed over her, and tossed down each stuffed animal down to the ground.   Then he went over to her toy kitchen and started moving it around the room, stopping only to pretend to wash his hands and blow his nose.   

He didn't even get to hear most of the Lorax, since he started to get fussy and was rushed off to his room.   This was fine, because I was able to talk to Lily about the story more in depth, and I think she got a lot more out of what is probably my favorite Dr Seuss book.

In the end, it worked out very well.   Sure, Nate didn't sit for the book, but this is a first step.   It completely eliminated his sister's tantrums that we'd been seeing regularly at that time of night. 

I'm not sure exactly how bedtime will work in the future, but I know based on these first few years with kids that it will continuously change.   

The end of an era

Barring the highly improbable or adoption, Lily and Nate will be our only kids.   This was guaranteed with a short surgery on Monday.   There is still some window of improbability where there is some level of fertility, but it drops off a cliff over the next month.   If Cindy got pregnant after that, then she'd have some explaining to do.

In a way it's sad.   If I was a younger man it would be hard to stop at just two.   The fact that this phase of life (raising babies), is over produces instant nostalgia.

On the other hand, I feel certain that this is right.  I don't want to be grandpa/daddy, changing diapers while collecting Social Security.      We have the bookends - a boy and a girl.  Both are perfect, in their own way.    We also don't have another bedroom handy, or a house big enough for a gaggle of kids.

The good thing is that we can now go through the basement and bid farewell to jumpers, and clothes (boys & girls & pregnant women) and various implements to strap down babies.    Well, we can do that once the doctor gives us the all clear.

A playful imagination

Playing with Lily has become a lot more fun, since her play has delved into deeper imagined scenarios.   Play now demands that everyone has a role (mommy, daddy, etc) and  a scenario (going to the store, etc).    

 So, last night Lily made a grocery list and we pretended to go to Costco.   She was the mom and I was the dad (Cindy was putting Nate to bed, but she did get to play the checkout person at Costco).  Then we sang happy birthday to both her babies, for the second night in the row.   She told me her babies are both 3 months old and are named Isley and 'Isley too' (or is it 2?).   Then we had imaginary cake and ice cream, and she spoon fed her babies.   While playing she's quick to tell you what kind of car she drives and all about her work.    Everything is an obvious allusion to her mom, and it's all fascinating to watch.

The funniest part is how she holds an internal canon for play.   She's quick to scold me if I break character or go off script too far.   While she's willing to hear suggestions for new directions to take the play,  she's quick to tell you when she doesn't want to follow your suggestion.   The play is very driven.

Independence is a hassle

Lily is nothing short of fiercely independent.   I say this firmly, after having spent the last year and nearly a half with her much easier going little brother.  Nate, tends to be very content with allowing you to do things for him.

For as long as I can remember, Lily has wanted to dress herself, open the door herself, along with a list of other things - by herself.    Refuse her the right, and there are repercussions.

The good thing is that independence is a good thing, so when it's not an issue you want her to do things for herself.    This works out fine if it's something small, like putting on her pull up diaper.    It becomes an issue when it's a time sink or a disaster waiting to happen.   So, you kind of have to cringe when she demands to pour her own milk with a carton she can barely grasp.  Then all  you can do is sit patiently when she demands to climb, slowly & precariously, into the back of my truck, something that can be accomplished in 1/10th the time by just picking her up.

As a parent, you want to promote independence.   Eventually they have to do everything for themselves, so the sooner the better.   Doing is the best way to learn and inspire confidence.    That's what I have to keep reminding myself, because the time and hassle often makes it a pain.

A Burgeoning Imagination

Lily is 3 years and almost 3 months old now, and her imagination has really taken off.   Playing with her is now a wide open world, with invisible doors and lions in the room.  Often she takes it in a familiar direction, inviting us to her 'house' in the family room or telling everyone she's driving to work (in a pink & red car...by her description).    Other times it can be more remote experiences, with wild animals, etc.  

Nate's often a willing participant for the ride.   He follows along like a trooper, unaware of what his exact role in the game is, but seemingly amazed at the wisdom his sister's two extra years has brought her.    So, off they go into the shower (actually the closet) or on a trip to the store (the next room over) or to take care of Lily's baby doll (which goes by the made up name 'Isley').    

Yesterday, Nate sat in the stroller calmly for at least 15 minutes playing the part of a baby, while his sister gave him teethers and baby talked to him. Nate played the part well, and the fact that he has recent experience in the role probably came in handy.  

Lily's first movie

Lily went to see her first movie a couple weeks ago on Sunday, it was Winnie the Pooh.   We specifically chose this movie because it's simple, even quaint, by today's standards.   We chose it specifically because it's NOT in 3D and sticks to regular animation, not the computer generated stuff.   I have nothing wrong with Pixar style movies (many of them are great), but she'll be exposed to plenty of that in her life.   There is no reason to rush it.

So, Cindy and I had a talk about who would take her, and I was awarded the task.   This is in large part because Nate has become a major Momma's boy, and it was trending towards nap time for him.   Lily and I went to the 12:40 showing at the AMC 30 movie theater.

At the theater it appeared that every other person there was there to see the new (and supposedly last) Harry Potter movie.  The employees at the theater were almost shocked that someone WASN'T there to see it, in fact.   We bought our tickets, a bottled water(her), large diet soda(me) and small popcorn(which had plenty for both of us).....and took our seats.    Then we waited, because we were early.   It was clear that she was getting bored.

Even when the movie started, she wasn't what you'd call entranced.   She watched the movie, and recognized the characters, but didn't seem fully involved.    It was about 30 minutes into the 63 minute movie when she started to look fidgety.   About 40 minutes in I asked if she wanted to leave and she did.    I asked again in the hallway outside, and she was sure she wanted to go.   We had lunch at Chipotle before heading home.

It was kind of a let down, in the sense that she didn't care too much for the whole experience, but maybe that's a good thing.   The truth is that Cindy and I almost never watch television and rarely watch movies, so maybe it's in her genes.   

Doing what needs to be done to free up shelf space

I'm going to see a Urologist on Friday.   It's for a consultation regarding a surgery which will make sure that Nate is the last of my children.   Other then some irrational fears and good deal of queasiness, I'm all behind this.  I already feel like Grandpa-daddy, and don't want to be having kid's into my 40's or changing diapers into my 50's.

The real motivating factor here is that we want to start giving away maternity & baby clothes, but will only feel 'safe' doing that once I'm shooting blanks.   So, in some odd way, I'm getting the surgery in large part just to free up shelf space.

Nate's new words, just in the past few days

I'm sure he's been saying a few of these things for a while, but in the past few days he's used the phrases prominently.

"Hello" (as a noun) - he refers to any cell phone shaped device as a 'hello'.  

"Me" - in response to the question "who wants to _____ ?"

"F(eed / ood)" (sounds like fff) - this means he's hungry

"Sissy" / "Lala" - his sister Lily


He's also taken up coloring.   I'm sure watching his sister color and write in her ABC book helped him pick this up as a hobby.   This is nice, because he appears to look at crayons as something other than a food source now.

Lily and our blurry second child

It's a well known fact that there is a precipitous drop in picture taking, with a second child.   You just don't have as much time.

Nate has two factors working against him though, because every picture of him tends to be blurry.    He doesn't stop moving.  Moving and climbing appear to be built into his very nature.....and staying still isn't.  The only exception are the short periods when he's strapped down to a chair.  

So you either get pictures like this (strapped into a chair, and trying to get out of it):

But more often are left with  (what is actually a relatively UNblurry picture) like this:

That's what she says

These are things our 3 year old likes to say....

"Look at what I can do (and demanding full attention)", before doing something like running and jumping onto the couch.

"Get out now", once she's situated on the toilet, and "shut the door when you leave, please".

"I'm done!", once she's done on the toilet.

"Can I roll up the window?", when she wants to roll the window down.

"Look dad, that's the letter __"  or "Look, that (the letter N) is for Nate (also L = Lily, D = Dad, M = Mom)"

Nate's Burgeoning Vocabulary

Yes - (pronunciation: 'yesh')  It's in the little guy's personality that he doesn't know the world 'no' (yet).   That doesn't mean he uses the affirmative indiscriminately.   Ask him if he wants to play outside or would like one of his favorite foods, and you'll definitely get this response.   Throw out trick questions 'is dad your favorite?', and he's not fooled.  This one word really shows that he understands far more than he lets on (as is often the case with kids).  

Baby - (pronunciation:  'bebe')  This is a catch all term for any living creature who he doesn't see as an adult.   So he'll point to other toddlers and call them baby, and also chase our cat around the house calling it 'baby'.   If he sees a bird outside, he'll point at it and call it 'baby'.

Thank You - (pronunciation:  'ehnk oo')  This is something he's been saying for a long time, anytime you hand him something.   It's possible that this was the first word he said.

Hi - (pronunciation: hi)

Bye - (pronunciation: bu-by)

Mom - (pronunciation:  'mama')  Mom.  Usually used because he wants his mom.

Dad - (pronunciation:  'dada')  Dad.  Usually used because he wants to talk to dad.

Water - (pronunciation:  'wawa') Water in any form, whether it's pouring into the sink or in a lake/pond/fountain.

Bottle - (pronunciation:  'baba')  Bottle or sippy or just a regular cup.

- (pronunciation:  babbling)   He loves to 'talk' on the phone.   He presses a toy to his ear and babbles. 

Fort Overkill

I wanted to reclaim the backyard for the last couple years.   It had become overgrown with unfinished projects, weeds and unkempt landscaping.    Well, all those problems still exist, but we have laid the foundation for reclaiming the backyard....it's Fort Overkill:

The Short History

Fort Overkill was originally going to be a lot smaller, but Costco, or more specifically a remarkably incompetent shipping company called Saia, blew off 4 scheduled delivery dates.   I had to cancel that order.    Then, in a fit of overly optimistic internet shopping, I ordered this kit from the Home Depot.   It was $200 bigger, and looked at least that much more fun.

The real shock came when it was finally delivered, and I realized it really had to be assembled.   I mean REALLY assembled, because there were a lot of parts.   Screws, slides, a steering wheel, 4x10's and a periscope, just for starters.    Still, the bulk of it only took about two full days (spread across 2 weeks), and it might have even been shorter if the rain didn't constantly interrupt.

Then it took another week, working around rain storms, to fill it in with mulch, and a couple weeks after that to stain and mount some boards on the bottom to build a sand box.   I might also try to make a canvas cover for the bottom in order to prevent cats from using the box for their own purposes.

The best comment so far came from Cindy, when she complimented me for the fact that I never once came into the house swearing about the work and/or difficulty.

The Long Future

Now I have to make the yard presentable.   This probably means paying someone to redo the deck and many lessons in landscaping for me.   The landscaping was started this last weekend, and, so far, it's coming together better than I expected.  

What the third seat's for

I let Lily crawl around cab of my truck, since it was safer than having her wait in the parking lot as Nate was buckled into his car seat.   She hopped over the front seats into the back - 2/3rd's of which are covered in car seats.    She asked what the third seat in the back of the truck was for, and I said it was there in case of any accidents.  

She didn't get the joke.  

Some Recent Firsts

Nate opened a door last week.   Our door nobs are large handles, which can be child friendly (as in, not particularly child safe).  

Lily has begun to notice letters.   She has picked off certain letters, like 'L', for a while now.  Now she'll tell me every letter on the cover of the book 'MY WORLD', for example.  She also likes to trace letters, and we are making sure to have the activity books to support that interest.

Nate hugged his sister yesterday.   She woke up from a nap crying, and her little brother came up and leaned into her.

Cindy, Lily, Nate and Lily's Winnie-the-Pooh stuffed animal all ran in their first 10k this weekend at the Oak Apple Run in downtown Royal Oak.

Nate calls me by name.   Ok, this isn't a first but it made my weekend.  Every time the little guy saw me he yells 'DA DA', and I quickly respond 'Natey'.

Just when you think you are out of the woods

Mornings were once drama central with our little girl.    It was a 15 minute process to get her dressed, at the very least, and much of it was full of screams and tears.    Those were the terrible twos.

Then, suddenly, it passed.   Now mornings are a breeze.   Occasionally there is a dispute about clothing - the wrong color socks or an undesired outfit, but even that's rare.    We probably credited ourselves at first, as if we had determined exactly how to deal with the tantrums - but it was all her.    It has become obvious now, a month into Lily's 3rd year that she has just moved on to a new phase of childhood.   Her language, reasoning and emotions all progressing.

As our daughter ended her rebellion, her brother started his.   He decided he didn't want to sit in the car seat anymore - squirming and struggling when you put him there.   This was the first sign of rebellion with his sister, so it's familiar territory.

It's hard to say if he's going to be more difficult or less.   He's quicker to (go where/do what/climb what) he shouldn't, but far easier to redirect or calm down.  There will probably be less tears and more bumps and bruises.

So, we get out of the woods and jump right back into the thick of it.   One year and 9 months till he's 3, it'll seem longer living through it, but I can't imagine missing it when it's over.  

Whatever it takes

While driving, we were having a discussion about how it will be when both kid's can do activities - like dance, soccer, etc.   I again proposed that Lily could try hockey some day, even if it was against type.  Then I offered it directly to her.


"If we got a helmet, stick and skates, would you like to play hockey some day?"  

She paused on the question, and I repeated it.

Then she offered a simple response, "can it be pink?".  

Admittedly,  I winced, but came to my senses quickly.   This is a more than  fair compromise.   Now I'm just hoping that she's interested when the time comes, pink helmet or not.

Sports, especially team sports, teaches you how to make decisions.   It hones the process of taking limited input and responding quickly.   This is a valuable life lesson.   It's not that I expect her to make it a life long passion or play more than a short while, but I do want her to know that she can do it.

And, yes, they do sell pink hockey helmets.

The world in the backyard

I grew up on Bringard street in Detroit.   It was in a cookie cutter bungalow lined in rows with other cookie cutter bungalows, all built in the 40's.  Each had a detached garage and that left a backyard about the size of the deck at the house I live in now.  

Even if 16248 Bringard didn't have the biggest backyard, I remember every spot in it, down to the finest detail.    From the sandbox to the electric pole next to it, to the space behind the detached garage that was an alley in the 1950's and a place to unsuccessfully grow tomatoes in the 1970's.

This comforts me when I look at our backyard now.    It's by no means the biggest or the best, but there is a lot of room for adventure.   There are more than enough nooks and crannies and places to cause trouble. 

Teddy Bear Straitjacket

Nate never really had a winter coat during the first year.   Instead we had a baby bunting that made him look like a brown teddy bear.    When he first wore it, around 6 months old, it was roomy.    He was still mostly sedentary and fit snuggly into the outfit.   He was cozy and appropriately cute.

Nate changed a lot before the weather got better.   His activity, size and personality all increased exponentially over the winter.   Unfortunately, we still squeezed him into the bear outfit in March, as he approached a year old.  Nothing about Nate fit into the suit at that time, and it made me feel guilty every time I saw him squeezed in there.  Putting him in the suit the last few times was like putting him in a strait jacket.   He'd usually be in constant motion, and our job was to immobilize each limb in the bear suit till he was just a face pushing out of the front.

If you wanna to be dumb, then you gotta be tough

Boys have this impulsive curiosity that you typically don't see in girls or well adjusted adults.  It's because of this curiosity that even the smartest boys can do some dumb stuff.   I know this, if only because I was once a boy.   As a boy, I wasn't particularly stupid, but still managed to do some very dumb stuff.

Nate has started to show this spirit.   Right now, if there is a chair in the room, he wants to stand on it.   Once he gets on the chair, he's immediately looking for the next height to reach.   The good thing is that after the inevitable crash and bump, he gets right back up.   The cry is short and then he's bounding off to find the next adventure.  He's tough.  

He's recently taken up running, typically to avoid losing something he shouldn't have, to the parent that's chasing him down the hall.   He even runs pretty good for someone still collecting bruises as they learn to master walking.  

This is just the start though.   It may be a phase, but the phase will probably last till some time in his teens and maybe even longer.

Turning the corner, into the bathroom

It was getting to the point where I had accepted that Lily would never be potty trained.   I even envisioned that conversation, pleading her to give up diapers, just before she left for college.    It's just that she appeared to know the how and the why, but could never seem to break that internal fear.    Then, one day it just changed.

Here we are a few weeks before her 3rd  birthday, and she's finally embraced the bathroom.   It wasn't by some parental reasoning, trickery or bribery, but rather, it was just time.  It was the right time for her.   She asked to use the toilet, announced she was going to 'poop' and did it.   It was that simple.   A few days later she started doing it at daycare too.

Each movement is still an event.   She inspects the toilet to make sure it's clean.  She politely asks everyone to leave the room if it's more than just #1.   Then she beams with pride examining the work, offering the view to anyone that would take a look.   The post game ritual is always the same - wipe, flush, wash.   She then gets a small treat and lavish praise, things that won't continue forever, at least for this achievement.  

Introducing...The Beatles

I started to introduce Lily to the Beatles.   They just seem the natural place to start with music.  She's already listened to most of the White Album and Revolver, with Sgt Pepper, Abbey Road and Rubber Soul all on deck.

So far, most of her favorite songs are almost too obvious, 'Ob La Di' and 'Yellow Submarine', for example.  Some of her favorites confuse me a little - she absolutely loves 'Back in the USSR'.    It's also fascinating that some legendary songs are met with ambivalence, like 'Blackbird', 'Eleanor Rigby' or 'For No One'.

I tend to think Lily is more a fan of the 4th Beatle, Ringo, preferring songs with a strong drum presence, and an accessible beat.  She just hasn't developed a taste for the work of the 5th Beatle, George Martin, who produced everything the Beatles did (except for 'Let It Be'), and arranged the Baroque Pop classics like 'Eleanor Rigby' and 'For No One'.    The strength of the lyrics in a song like Blackbird probably doesn't have as much of an effect on her either - maybe 'Ob La Di' speaks of things more relative, at least for now.

This situation calls for the Rolling Stones

I've been listening to the new album by the Strokes called Angles.   This is new music, but borrows heavily from the past - 70's rock, with hints of everything from Lou Reed to the Cars.   It's also quite good, which is increasingly rare for rock music, in this day and age.  

I've played the CD enough that Lily recognizes individual songs, often pointing out her favorites.  These favorites mirror mine, and probably most listeners.  For example, she points out that "I like this song", when what's clearly the standout track Undercover of Darkness, plays.  She's even asked, on a number of occasions to turn up the volume, complaining that she can't hear the music.  

It's because of this that I want to introduce her to a broader range of music.   Starting out first with the Rolling Stones and Beatles and moving both backwards to what inspired that, and even further back to what came before and everything else across the spectrum - world, jazz, classical, etc.  

It's very cool to see her take a liking to music that I love or have loved, and I want to foster that experience for her.   I want to make it a point to challenge the kids.

It would be easy to dismiss time in the car as 'necessary for transit', but this is the perfect experience for that place.   It provides a discussion point and a captive audience.  

The Class Clown and his big sister

Nate's personality is rolling out.

We now know he's fascinated with music.  He loves to dance and will even sing on occasion.   His favorite toy is modeled after an old AM transistor radio and plays randomized bits of classical music, with that kid's toy type tinniness.   He walks around with it playing, only stopping to dance or pick up the next thing he finds in the other hand.

We are also finding out that he likes to entertain people.   He's already been noted as a class clown at daycare, and we are seeing it more and more at home.   If he can make someone laugh then he'll play the joke and work the room, searching for more people to join in, until everyone stops laughing.

Other than that he's just easy going and active.   He rarely stays in the room you set him down in for long, and rarely complains when you shuffle him around or take something away.

We should be thankful that he's as easy going as he is, because it softens the interactions with his sister.   She has a tendency to want every toy the moment he picks it up, and won't refrain from snatching it from his hands seconds later.  While this would have thrown her into an epic tantrum at the same age, it rarely registers more than a whimper from the little brother.

Nate and Lil's budding relationship is both fascinating and touching to watch.   I have no illusions that it will be all smooth sailing, but as each develops and their interactions become more complex, it only creates more layers for a bond that will hopefully last long after I'm gone.

Delayed Gratification

We had a lot of yogurt in the house.   There was Chobani for mom and dad, and plenty of the Costco store brand (Dannon in a new package) for Lily.    Unfortunately, there was only a single vanilla yogurt remaining, which is, by far, Lily's favorite.    When she requested the vanilla yogurt, her mom informed that it was the last one and by eating it, there wouldn't be one available for breakfast the next day.    

Then an amazing thing happened - she said she would have Apple Sauce instead.   Now, while this would be an easy trade off for an adult, it's a remarkable leap for a 2 year old (who's nearly 3).    It's also great thing to see as a parent, knowing that some day soon you might be able to reason with the child.

There was also the interesting study, recently, that showed how self control at the age of 3 is a better indicator of success in adulthood than IQ:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41253088/ns/technology_and_science-science/from/toolbar

Nate vs the Cake

Nate turned one a couple weeks back, and we had a party the next day.    There was too much pizza and I managed to not invite my sister Colleen, but everything worked out in the end.    Colleen even managed to make it, and she didn't know there was a party till two hours after it started.

My only regret is that Nate was teething all weekend.   He just wasn't himself.   When given the cake to smash up, he just looked perturbed.    Maybe it was the black eye he had received just a little bit earlier in the day.   The cake looked almost untouched when we took it back from him - it wasn't ground into a pulp or spread across his face to make for the usual pictures.

We tried again the next day to similar results.   He showed little interest in the cake, even when shown how tasty it was.

Turn that seat around, again

I flipped the car seat around in my car, and then I read this....

http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/21/car.seat.guidelines.parenting/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn

Now they recommend a backward facing seat till the age of two.   That sucks for the little guy, because he was just starting to have fun.

Turn that seat around

Nate turned one today, but he didn't seem all that concerned about it.    He got a cupcake out of the deal, and will get a bigger cake to disassemble, along with a lot of attention, tomorrow.

I drove him to daycare, but I took a few minutes to turn his car seat around before leaving.   This was his first drive facing forward in the car.   He had big eyes every time I had a chance to look back, and would giggle at the slightest prompt - probably just the shock of being able to look up and see what the parents were doing during the drive all this time. 

Flipping the car seat was something I was looking forward to for a long time, since it was such a great experience with Lily.   She also got wide eyes and bewildered on her first forward facing drive. 

The Birthday Season

Tomorrow is Nate's first birthday, and it kicks off sort of  a season of birthdays.    A week later we'll celebrate our 5th Wedding Anniversary.  A week after that Cindy turns 29, again.    A month later, Lily and I celebrate birthdays - the 3rd and 39th, respectively.

We have 4 birthdays and our anniversary in the span of a month and a half.   It's kind of strange how that works out.

Flash Cards vs Playtime

This is a great blog post that reinforces what all the science says about the value of play.

The Virtues of Play

There are a lot of things I want to teach our kid's, and I must constantly remind myself that this just isn't the time for it.   It goes against conventional wisdom of the obsessive parent to avoid being a flash card parent, dousing the children with facts, but the science leaves little doubt what best aid's the child's development -- play.

There will be more than enough time for the heavy stuff later.

It's all in a name

We named our son Nathaniel.   This is a slightly less common version of the list of names that borrow from the Hebrew word for 'gift', the most common being Nathan.   The 'el' a the end of Nathaniel means 'God' in Hebrew, so his full name means 'Gift from God'.   I thought that was meaningful enough to warrant the longer variant, and was the driving force behind choosing Nathaniel over Nathan.

The truth is that we never call him Nathan or Nathaniel -- it's always Natey, Nater or Nate, or anything that rhymes with that (Ralphy Nater, Nater-Baiter, etc).   I'm sure he'll use a shorter form all his life, similar to how his mom is never called Cynthia or his dad Thomas.

It felt awkward applying names to both of our kid's.   Giving a new baby a name seems like an arbitrary label at first, but as that little individual's personality fills in what the name means, it all starts to make sense.   I'm sure if we called him Paxton, as we almost did, that name would have come to mean everything Nate has (but, lets just say that I'm glad we chose like we did).   With the exception of really bad names (Hugh Jass, Justin Sane, etc), you really can't go wrong.

I feel like I know Nate now, or am at least getting to know him.   His name isn't an arbitrary label anymore, because now it's the little guy who gets excited when he sees me and does whatever he's doing faster as soon I yell for him to stop.

Backseat Driver

I was driving the kid's home last night, stuck at a traffic light, and Lily told me to 'drive'.   I explained how we had to stop at red lights and could only drive through green ones.     Then this morning, while waiting in the left turn lane during a green light, she told me to 'drive' again.   I did my best to explain why I was waiting.

What's interesting about it is that she must be observing driving very closely.   We had passed a number of green & red lights before getting delayed in the left turn lane, so she was likely very aware what I was doing.   

Grand Parent(s)

Lily and Nate have loving Grand Parents.   They visit with the kid's every week with absolute consistency, and this makes both the kid's and I very happy (and not just for the free time it often rewards me).   The kid's are lucky to have them in their life.

Recently, while looking at old pictures that were recently brought into the digital world, I got jealous.   It was the picture below, which shows my parents and me, presumably days after my birth.    This is how Nate and Lily will know my parents, for better or worse, as pictures from a bygone era.  
  

Buckle Up

Just Lily and I were left in the house, since Cindy had taken Nate to daycare earlier in the morning.    We got ready, she ate some Cheerios and then I bundled her in the truck before shoveling a few inches of snow off the walk.

The truck was nice and warm when I put the shovel away and joined Lily.   We pulled out of the subdivision and if I was more perceptive, I would have recognized the problem immediately.   I probably should have recognized something was wrong when she poked her head into the front of the truck, because, had she been buckled into the seat - that wouldn't have been possible.

I didn't realize what was wrong till she asked, "why am I not buckled?".  

We went into the first parking lot and the issue was resolved fast.  

Baby steps

Nate's walking, a little.   He can stand up without support and stay standing for a good length of time - at least 30 seconds.  If prompted, he can take a few unsteady steps to a target.   He doesn't have much fear, and seems to have all the fundamentals (muscles & balance), so it's just a matter of desire.  

It's good timing, because he should be up and around just in time for his birthday, which is a month from yesterday. 

A new kind of disobedience

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  Nate was standing up next to the counter and his head was just about to poke over the top, which was quite remarkable, considering he's not even 11 months old.  

We purchased a case of diet soda from Costco - in an appropriately Costco-sized case.   It was sitting next to the counter, and Nate climbed onto it, and then stood up with a little help from the counter.   He had done this before by way of the dishwasher door, but was always stopped before he could reach his feet.  

It's like we have begun to see a new kind of disobedience.   I don't think he's going to cry about little issues (who turns off the light, broken bananas, etc), but will never stop moving or climbing.   He'll be mischievous rather than emotional - movement rather than statements.  Where Lily's rebellion was emotional and tears, Nate's rebellion will be by action......boundless, non-stop, unrelenting action.

Just another typical Saturday

Lily and I have had a consistent schedule on Saturday for many months now.    It goes like clockwork, and this is how it all transpires:

7:00 - 8:00 AM
One of the kid's wake up, and after some muffled debate, one of us gets up with them.   If there is enough time we make pancakes, and try to clean up the house a little or do the dishes leftover from the work week.

9:30   
This is when the mad scramble to get ready for Soccer (which starts at 10AM) begins.   We always run late.   Kid's have no sense of time and I don't fair much better on a Saturday morning.

10:05
We arrive at soccer, late.   After 3 sessions of Lil Kickers soccer - Lily is now a Veteran of the game and participates in doing everything the class does.   She's prone to freezing and staring at what other kid's are doing, which is a lot different than the problem most of the boys (which make up most of the class) have....which is just doing their own destructive thing.   (Chance that Lily falls asleep on the drive to soccer:  5%)

10:45
Soccer done, we slowly make our way to the truck and drive to Life Time fitness.  If I prepared ahead, then Lily is eating a banana or other similar snack.  If I forgot to prepare ahead, we stop at the Life Time Cafe where Lily can eat a fruit cup or yogurt (and everything after this is delayed by 25 minutes).   (Chance that Lily falls asleep on this drive:  15%)

11:05
Lily goes into the gym daycare and I head upstairs to work out.

11:10 - 12:35 PM
I do my workout.    Lily uses the climber, plays with baby doll, draws a picture and uses the drinking fountain numerous times (something she's fascinated with).

12:40 PM
I get back to the daycare to get her.    This presents the most awkward time of the morning, since Cindy usually goes to the gym sometime between 11 and 12:30, so my son, Nate, is there in the day care room - and I leave him behind.    Lily is pushing the limit without a nap, so getting her shoes and jacket on isn't easy, but we manage and load up in the truck - heading for Chipotle.  (Chance that Lily falls asleep on this rather short drive:  30%)

1:00
Lunch at Chipotle - Chicken burrito for me & kid's Quesdilla for her.    Lily likes a cup of water along with her milk....because the food is 'hot'.  

1:35
Loading up in the truck again - heading home.    (Chance that Lily falls asleep on this drive:   100%)

2:00 - 2:30
Back home and it's long past nap time.   I carry her to her room, taking off her shoes &a jacket along the way.   If she wakes up, it's not for long.

It's not writer's bloc

There was this a unintentional consistency in postings to this blog for at least the last year - typically between 8 and 10 posts every month.   Then during the last month there was a precipitous drop off, with just two posts (and both early in the month). 

It's not writers bloc though.   The major factors are being very busy at work and no less busy at home.   Behind the scenes, I had no less things to write about -- it just never materialized into completed blog entries.

My blogging process for this blog works this way:

I tend to start an entry, often as just a rough outline, with a sentence for every intended paragraph or major idea.  Then at a later date, after thinking about the outline, I edit, flesh out the outline and publish the final post.    For example,. right now there are 24 entries in an unpublished state going back to November of 2009.    The unpublished posts go through regular purges too, so all those entries - and the idea behind them - have been deemed worthy of publishing, at some point in the future.    The oldest ones, going back to 2009, just happen to be the hardest to flesh out. 

Mein Leben

Lily's language makes leaps and bounds on a daily basis, like most 2 year olds, but the mistake that I find most endearing is when she means to say 'my' and it is pronounced like 'mine'.    So, 'my doll' becomes 'mine doll' which sounds like the German 'Mein' which means, appropriately enough, 'my'.

Overall, she makes very few mistakes when speaking.    It's a testament to the programming that allows us to speak that most children can adapt so quickly to such an overwhelmingly complex thing - a whole new language.  I'll miss 'mein doll' once her language skills master 'my', something that could happen any day now.

New Years Day 2011

The New Year started early in our house.   Lily, who had crawled into our bed earlier in the night, kicked the day off by throwing up all over herself & dad.   The party foods from last night, particularly a red food-color laden cup cake, didn't help things - the result was a pink pastel.   By the time I got her to the bathroom (well after she was finished), it looked like we were running from the murder scene of a Disney Princess cartoon character.     It was time to wash the sheets anyway.

The rest of the day focused on two sick kids and was sedated to say the least.   We watched more TV on that day than we have in the last year, and that's probably not an exaggeration.   (Actually, we watched DVD's from Pixar....Ratatouille & Toy Story)

As a parent, it's tough to watch your kid sick or even just acting out of character - lying on the couch.   Sometimes, when they are healthy, you wish that they would sit still for a minute, but it's not fun when it arrives with illness.

She spent the whole day on the towel covered couch drinking juice (Pedialyte), but didn't throw up again.  Around 3:00PM her temperature was over 100.    By 8:00PM she was herself again - fever gone.    This is only the second or third time she has ran a temperature and the first time she has ever vomited.

Nate was never hit as hard, and probably didn't run a temperature.  He wasn't himself (non-stop movement) but he spent a lot of time on the floor playing.    He did lose his lunch a few times, but with him it's hard to tell if it's teething or a bug.

You might think that this isn't the best way to start a new year, but the truth is that it just confirms that we are blessed to have two very healthy kids.