Must read for parents and parents-to-be

I've read a lot of books on brain science, and while it's fascinating, real world application is typically limited.  

Brain Rules for Babies is the rare book that stays true to the science and delivers level headed advice on parenting.    It's a very easy read and focused squarely on the earliest years of development, even explaining how important the prenatal period is.  

Everyone who has or might have kids should read this book.

The author's other book Brain Rules (ostensibly for adults) is also a easy and valuable read.

Consolidating bedtime routines

Up till now, Bedtime has been two separate tasks.   1) get Nate down and 2) get Lily down.    One of us takes the first task (it's always Cindy, but was exclusively me for a while), which mostly involves rocking and/or feeding him down.   The other person works with Lily, which involves reading books, tests of patience and a more than a little cajoling.

Recently, we decided to begin consolidating bedtime.   Nate's hinting that he's ready to sit for books and Lily was displaying jealousy at (what she saw as) the favorable treatment her mother gave Nate at bedtime.

So, Nate was brought into his sisters room for bedtime books.  

We read two great Dr Seuss books that night:  "The Lorax" and "I Wish I Had Duck Feet".   Lily sat calmly in her bed listening to each book, while her brother trashed her room.   He crawled onto her bed, climbed over her, and tossed down each stuffed animal down to the ground.   Then he went over to her toy kitchen and started moving it around the room, stopping only to pretend to wash his hands and blow his nose.   

He didn't even get to hear most of the Lorax, since he started to get fussy and was rushed off to his room.   This was fine, because I was able to talk to Lily about the story more in depth, and I think she got a lot more out of what is probably my favorite Dr Seuss book.

In the end, it worked out very well.   Sure, Nate didn't sit for the book, but this is a first step.   It completely eliminated his sister's tantrums that we'd been seeing regularly at that time of night. 

I'm not sure exactly how bedtime will work in the future, but I know based on these first few years with kids that it will continuously change.   

The end of an era

Barring the highly improbable or adoption, Lily and Nate will be our only kids.   This was guaranteed with a short surgery on Monday.   There is still some window of improbability where there is some level of fertility, but it drops off a cliff over the next month.   If Cindy got pregnant after that, then she'd have some explaining to do.

In a way it's sad.   If I was a younger man it would be hard to stop at just two.   The fact that this phase of life (raising babies), is over produces instant nostalgia.

On the other hand, I feel certain that this is right.  I don't want to be grandpa/daddy, changing diapers while collecting Social Security.      We have the bookends - a boy and a girl.  Both are perfect, in their own way.    We also don't have another bedroom handy, or a house big enough for a gaggle of kids.

The good thing is that we can now go through the basement and bid farewell to jumpers, and clothes (boys & girls & pregnant women) and various implements to strap down babies.    Well, we can do that once the doctor gives us the all clear.

A playful imagination

Playing with Lily has become a lot more fun, since her play has delved into deeper imagined scenarios.   Play now demands that everyone has a role (mommy, daddy, etc) and  a scenario (going to the store, etc).    

 So, last night Lily made a grocery list and we pretended to go to Costco.   She was the mom and I was the dad (Cindy was putting Nate to bed, but she did get to play the checkout person at Costco).  Then we sang happy birthday to both her babies, for the second night in the row.   She told me her babies are both 3 months old and are named Isley and 'Isley too' (or is it 2?).   Then we had imaginary cake and ice cream, and she spoon fed her babies.   While playing she's quick to tell you what kind of car she drives and all about her work.    Everything is an obvious allusion to her mom, and it's all fascinating to watch.

The funniest part is how she holds an internal canon for play.   She's quick to scold me if I break character or go off script too far.   While she's willing to hear suggestions for new directions to take the play,  she's quick to tell you when she doesn't want to follow your suggestion.   The play is very driven.

Independence is a hassle

Lily is nothing short of fiercely independent.   I say this firmly, after having spent the last year and nearly a half with her much easier going little brother.  Nate, tends to be very content with allowing you to do things for him.

For as long as I can remember, Lily has wanted to dress herself, open the door herself, along with a list of other things - by herself.    Refuse her the right, and there are repercussions.

The good thing is that independence is a good thing, so when it's not an issue you want her to do things for herself.    This works out fine if it's something small, like putting on her pull up diaper.    It becomes an issue when it's a time sink or a disaster waiting to happen.   So, you kind of have to cringe when she demands to pour her own milk with a carton she can barely grasp.  Then all  you can do is sit patiently when she demands to climb, slowly & precariously, into the back of my truck, something that can be accomplished in 1/10th the time by just picking her up.

As a parent, you want to promote independence.   Eventually they have to do everything for themselves, so the sooner the better.   Doing is the best way to learn and inspire confidence.    That's what I have to keep reminding myself, because the time and hassle often makes it a pain.

A Burgeoning Imagination

Lily is 3 years and almost 3 months old now, and her imagination has really taken off.   Playing with her is now a wide open world, with invisible doors and lions in the room.  Often she takes it in a familiar direction, inviting us to her 'house' in the family room or telling everyone she's driving to work (in a pink & red car...by her description).    Other times it can be more remote experiences, with wild animals, etc.  

Nate's often a willing participant for the ride.   He follows along like a trooper, unaware of what his exact role in the game is, but seemingly amazed at the wisdom his sister's two extra years has brought her.    So, off they go into the shower (actually the closet) or on a trip to the store (the next room over) or to take care of Lily's baby doll (which goes by the made up name 'Isley').    

Yesterday, Nate sat in the stroller calmly for at least 15 minutes playing the part of a baby, while his sister gave him teethers and baby talked to him. Nate played the part well, and the fact that he has recent experience in the role probably came in handy.