Big Girl Underpants

We have fully taken on the battle of potty training.    There have been successes, such as the great #2 of 12/27/2010, and a few unsuccessful events.  

We use Psyops (psychological operations) nightly.  Detailing the story of Ashley and Prudence over and over again, to the point where we refer to them as real people during the day.  These are stories about girls who come to know and love using the potty. 

Ultimately, the greatest motivation for Lily has been the big girl underpants.   I even have come to expect her answer to the interactive part of the book about Ashley.  "Ashley wears diapers, do you wear diapers?".  The response comes quickly - "No!  big girl underpants". 

It's still gambling to put her in underpants anywhere outside of the home or daycare, but it has given her a much better sense of what's going on than a diaper.    I don't think we'd have had any of the progress we have had by keeping her in diapers.  

One less trick up our sleeve

You come to expect trouble when your two year old is tired and hungry, and there are tactics that quickly develop as a response.   For example, when cooperation looks bleak, re-framing the options can make for smoother sailing.

Rather then asking, "ready to get your jacket on?", you are probably better served asking "do you want dad or mom to put your jacket on?".  In this way, defiance isn't even put on the table - the young mind is flustered by the decision on the table (mom or dad?) - and hey accept the fate without struggle.   This method has worked for many months, and has been the means to avoid many a bumpy road of defiance and tears.


Yesterday Lily was tired and hungry and cooperation looked like a remote possibility.   I re-framed the options, and she, for the first time, asked for the unspoken third option - "nobody".  Mom, Lily and I all froze for a moment and laughed, at least two of us in recognition that something had changed.

The good thing is that with enhanced reasoning comes better reasoning.   We lost a tactic, but there are other, better ways to avoid trouble arriving every day.

These are a few of Nate's favorite things

Socks.   He has a tendency to rip one of them off, just one, and shove it in his mouth.   Then he'll crawl around with one sock on his feet and the other in his mouth.

Picking up stuff.   Just to clarify, that is 'other people' picking up stuff that he has thrown to the ground from his high chair.

Handfuls of hair.   Usually his sisters, which elicits panicked screams, but anything arm's length away works.

Big Sister.  He finds her endlessly fascinating.

Strings.  The kind that hang down from hoodie sweatshirts.   They probably taste like socks.

Anything off-limits.   If the bathroom door is open, it's safe to say that's the first place he's headed.

Dancing.   The boy can move.

Balls.  He can easily be distracted or redirected if he sees a ball thrown up in the air a few times. 

Ground Puffs.   These are the corn puffs that he throws on the kitchen floor, only to find later. It just always tastes better if it was found on the ground.

Corn Fed

Corn has been heavily subsidized by our government, so corporations have taken the plentiful & cheap supply and built our food supply around it.   From this one product comes just about everything we eat or drink.

High Fructose Corn Syrup, what the corporations would now like to call 'Corn Sugar', is probably the most common form.  This is used to sweeten everything from soda to bread to candy to cough medicine to sports drinks.   You'll often find it on products that say 'Low Fat'.   This is just one form it's added to food, since it is also used to do things like solidify or add texture to food (not to mention cosmetics and drugs).

Corn also feeds Cattle.   This replaced their natural diet, which would includes a variety of grasses found in the field, and has reduced the nutrition they receive enough to require a constant flow of antibiotics & vitamins, just to keep the animals alive.   This system allows them to live their whole life in pens crowded with other cows, ankle deep in excrement, rather than the fields.

The situation isn't much different with Chicken, Pork or even farmed fish, all of which are fed corn rather than anything resembling a natural diet.   Much like cattle, what's lacking in diversity and nutrition is made up for with vitamins and antibiotics.

The effects of subsidies can be seen across the decades in rapidly rising obesity and diabetes rates:

http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.html

Government caused this problem to solve others, and special interests making money make it hard to stop.  No one with Presidential ambitions wants to anger corn filled Iowa - where the first primary elections are held.  

This is also an example of where the market doesn't work, because it's a clear example where a market doesn't just produce efficiency and low price.   The most important output in this market is also the food supply, which can arrive at varying levels of nutrition/good health.  In this case, the market is failing.

Avoiding the corporate food system is not easy or cheap, but you aren't really living if you don't try.

Teaching the value of effort and failure

If you ask their parents, most kids are above average.   They will tell you that their children are incredibly smart and have amazing potential.   It's true in the sense that kids, by their very nature, have an incredible ability to retain knowledge and awesome potential.   It's not true in pure statistics, where only half of kids can truly be above average.   It's also not true when it comes to teaching a child about success, which has relatively little to do with natural ability, and is tied more closely to effort and determination.   

There is a risk of heaping praise on innate talents of a child for each success, because it can make a child think that success comes from innate ability.   They'll do fine, until things get tough - then they'll quickly accept that their parentally granted 'genius' has faded.

It's for this reason that modern parenting guides recommend praising the cause of success, rather then success.   For example: if a child does well on a test - praise the time studying for it.  If a child paints a picture - you can praise the painting, but also note how they get better at painting by painting.     I find that this easy to adjust to, once you are familiar with the reasoning behind it.

The other element is rewarding attempts that end in failure.  I watched Lily in dance class, as the teacher led the class jumping up and down, and Lily kept still.  When asked later she said that it was because she was afraid she couldn't do it.  It makes me wonder the best way to give her the confidence to try.  The obvious route here is offering praise for every effort - especially the unsuccessful ones.

I think boys, who are more likely to play competitive sports, may have an advantage here.   The fact of the matter with competitive sports is that you lose about half the time, just based on odds.   Still, the mind remembers the wins better than the losses, so there is still a reward in the end.  Girls, who are less likely to play competitive sports, never get this reinforcement.  

This may just be reversing cause and effect.  The reason boys prefer competitive sports is likely because they are wired to take risks (and therefore lose).   Still, it would seem the environmental reinforcement would benefit girls, in the competitive world we live in, since it goes against their wiring.

The 4011: Dramatic Banana

I can't think of any single item that triggers more dramatic episodes with our daughter than the regular old banana.

The problem with the banana is that we always have some, it's portable, tastes good and can break.   The portability and good taste make it the go-to food for situation's where hunger is present and a meal is too far away.   So, it's what she has a tendency to be eating when she's already fussy.

The real drama - tears and thrashing - begins when it breaks.   The other day she peeled her own for the first time, and was making a point to show off her accomplishment.    Unfortunately, she peeled it a little too far, it broke, and this was followed by screams, tears and a futile attempt to force the banana back together.

Toys

I still love toys - the more creative the better.    It's a passion that has been hidden for many years now, but in searching for things that foster creativity and imagination in our children, it has been rekindled.    Now I'm constantly looking for the best toys.   Occasionally I'll buy them early, on sale, and stock them up for when the kids are ready.   We give toys based solely on when they are ready and can use it, rather then rely on any Holiday, and in this way each gift can be enjoyed & appreciated with the parent.    

Last night I gave Lily a dress-up doll set.   We dressed the two little wooden dolls with magnetic clothing, and she picked up the idea very fast, even expressing pride with the first outfit she put together.  Watching her grasp the underlying concept and and manipulate a new toy for the first time is inspiring.   It was fun, even if I long for the days to come, filled with Lego's and Erector Sets.   It's probably best that we had a girl first, since it forces some diversity - I don't know if I'd be all that keen about a dress-up set if we could be building stuff.