Teaching the value of effort and failure

If you ask their parents, most kids are above average.   They will tell you that their children are incredibly smart and have amazing potential.   It's true in the sense that kids, by their very nature, have an incredible ability to retain knowledge and awesome potential.   It's not true in pure statistics, where only half of kids can truly be above average.   It's also not true when it comes to teaching a child about success, which has relatively little to do with natural ability, and is tied more closely to effort and determination.   

There is a risk of heaping praise on innate talents of a child for each success, because it can make a child think that success comes from innate ability.   They'll do fine, until things get tough - then they'll quickly accept that their parentally granted 'genius' has faded.

It's for this reason that modern parenting guides recommend praising the cause of success, rather then success.   For example: if a child does well on a test - praise the time studying for it.  If a child paints a picture - you can praise the painting, but also note how they get better at painting by painting.     I find that this easy to adjust to, once you are familiar with the reasoning behind it.

The other element is rewarding attempts that end in failure.  I watched Lily in dance class, as the teacher led the class jumping up and down, and Lily kept still.  When asked later she said that it was because she was afraid she couldn't do it.  It makes me wonder the best way to give her the confidence to try.  The obvious route here is offering praise for every effort - especially the unsuccessful ones.

I think boys, who are more likely to play competitive sports, may have an advantage here.   The fact of the matter with competitive sports is that you lose about half the time, just based on odds.   Still, the mind remembers the wins better than the losses, so there is still a reward in the end.  Girls, who are less likely to play competitive sports, never get this reinforcement.  

This may just be reversing cause and effect.  The reason boys prefer competitive sports is likely because they are wired to take risks (and therefore lose).   Still, it would seem the environmental reinforcement would benefit girls, in the competitive world we live in, since it goes against their wiring.