A wake at the lake

So, we went to the lake for a wake.   Cindy's parent's cabin is located on the side of Lake Huron (on the east side of the thumb), and we were there to celebrate a life that passed - grandpa.

It was a full day.   We saw barns, cows, horses, and many other things on the drive.   We skipped rocks across the lake, talked with relatives and generally took it easy after arriving. 

As we were leaving, we asked Lily what her favorite part of the day was.    She said it was playing catch with her dad, and hearing that was the best part of my day.    It was just the thing to do at the time, but it was better than the great blue lake to her, and that's all that matters to me.

Save the Date: March 18, 2015

After careful consideration, I've determined that March 18, 2015 is the date I can likely show our kid's the Star Wars movies.   That's the day Nate turns 5.    I might move that out farther, based on maturity level, but definitely won't move it up any sooner.     

This will give me time to determine how to show the films.....because this is a serious question.   Do you do it chronologically from release -- showing the superior films first?    Or, do you show it chronologically from the movie's timeline, in which case you are forced to show the "Phantom Menace" first (which is the most patently inept, infinite budget film, ever made)? 

The films have violence.   They have (laser) guns.  Not very accurate guns, but they are guns nonetheless.   People lose hands.   Robots lose limbs.   So, I'll probably preview the films myself, before showing them.   Maybe even edit some of the content out on the fly (fast forward), when the time comes.  

It will definitely take multiple viewings.   One film a week maybe, spread across 2 or 3 nights, just so they can fully appreciate it.

I can't wait.    The first movie had a big effect on me, when I saw it in 1977, at the age of 5, and I'm sure it will have a similar effect on my kid's now. 

"Dumb Shitheads"

Our little terrible 2 year old has entered a new and particularly dreadful rebellious phase.  I picked him up from daycare the other night and his teacher asked me "who calls him a shithead?".  Apparently he had called not only her, but another teacher a "shithead".  We have been disciplining him for using bad words at home, but the worst he has said up until then was "stupid".  Now that he has used an actual swear word in public, I'm more concerned about the problem.  His teachers probably think we sit around the house cussing at each other.  I want so badly to explain, "it's only in traffic where a few choice words might slip out".  Somehow I doubt they would buy it. 

Truth be told, I do feel responsible for his potty mouth.  Everyone told me that when I had kids, an instinctual motherly urge to protect my little ones from the ugliness of curse words would kick in.  After years of relying on strings of obscenities to release my frustrations, I would suddenly switch to child friendly expressions like "gosh darn it" or "fudge"..  Needless to say, that instinct never kicked in with me.  Lily heard enough cursing to make a sailor blush, yet she never repeated a word.  So I expected Nate to be the same way.  Take it all in, and keep it in the vault.  To my dismay, my secret arsenal of four-letter verbal daggers is being exposed by a mischievous,  shock-seeking two year old.

I don't know how to react or fix the problem.  Up until now, we have used redirection or timeouts (aka the "thinking chair") to discourage the behavior.  It hasn't worked, obviously.  He has now advanced to using the term "dumb shitheads", the adjective creatively added sometime between the first and the hundredth usage.  Since the problem has escalated, if it were up to me I would escalate his punishment to soap or vinegar on the tongue.  I'm confident that would stop the "shitheads" and keep him from moving on to even worse profanities.  But Tom is vehemently against it.  He thinks it would teach violence. 

Speaking of Tom, he admits to using the word shit in front of the kids, but claims he never uses it in the form of "shithead".  Imagine my shock when he called Mitt Romney a shithead the other night, with both kids present!  I guess the problem is not only me, but two parents who lack verbal self-control.  As long as Lily stays her sweet, soft-spoken self, our family will have some dignity.

Camper of the Week

Lily was recognized as "Camper of the Week" this week!  There is a large banner with her name on it hanging in the gym.  She said her favorite thing to do in summer is play, if she were given a million dollars, she would buy a toy, and her favorite summer food is carrots.  How cute!  I'm so proud of her.  I think because I was a very quiet child, I want to do everything possible to raise her to overcome the shyness I have genetically blessed her with.  This morning, the camp counselor made my day when she told me how much Lily is talking to her now.  She continues to amaze me every day.  I can't wait to see what she becomes. 

De-Friended by my own son

Nate's new thing, when punished or denied a desire, is to tell you that he's 'not your friend'.    It's hard to go a day, or even an afternoon, without being defriended once or twice.  

It has happened enough that my response is canned.   "Oh, that's too bad.   I'll always be your friend, Natey".     Moments later all is forgotten.   

Playing Ball

One of my favorite moments of today was when Nate came up to me holding a ball and asked me to play catch with him.  I was washing the dishes at the time.  He stood patiently in the kitchen, clutching the ball, until I was finished.  The funny part about this game of catch was that Nate was wearing no pants.  And at one point he was sitting on the ground with his legs out in front of him.  I'm all for being comfortable and 'au naturel', but that boy needs to start wearing pants!

I'm go eat all that butta...

The other day, Lily randomly began talking with a southern accent.  Of all things, it happened when I caught her eating a stick of butter.  After explaining that it will make her sick, I took the butter from her and put it back in it's place on the highest shelf in the fridge.  She responded with an astonishing, "I'm go'  climb up thayre and eat all that butta, and when you buy mo', I'll eat all that butta y'all".  Her response was actually longer but being so caught up in the humor of the moment, the specific wording has escaped me.  The funniest part is we have no idea where she got it from.  One of her friends at school must have an accent, or maybe she saw it on one of the rare TV shows she watches.  Regardless, it's hilarious. Thankfully Tom caught it on video tonight.  We'll be guaranteed a perfect little angel when she's a teenager with all the blackmail material she's giving us now. 

Took back the backyard

Two years ago I wrote that we were going to take back the backyard, and this is the year we did it.    It didn't happen overnight, and it's not entirely done.....AND, it's going to require regular work.   But, the end is near.   We are approaching the point where it's less 'taking back' and more 'improving'.     We have reached the point where I am proud of our backyard (and front too).

I'm proud of our redone, low maintenance landscaping in front and (almost done) back.    I'm proud of our raised vegetable garden.    I'm proud of the kid's playset.  Mostly, it feels great to see the kid's enjoying their time back there -- it's a pretty cool backyard for a 4 / 2 year old. 

There are still a list of changes, to-do's, and I look forward to getting to each one.

Every moment is a little bit later

My milestone birthday came and went, and I'm no different.   A little worse for wear, but wearing it well.

Last night I played my first game in a 40+ hockey league.  Moving to this league wasn't to score more against aged opponents.  I would have stayed 35+, but Monday night just works better.   Most of the people on my team are now 50+.    They look older - much like teenagers did when I was in elementary school and college kids looked in high school.    I'll fit in some day.   We won the game.   I didn't register a point.

The kid's are still at an age where every birthday is a milestone, so the wait for my next milestone birthday should be fun.   Living vicariously is fine, in moderation.    Maybe I can play hockey with my kids in 2022.

Mr Rogers and his sweater trick

The only television show we watch is Mr Rogers Neighborhood.    We play episodes a couple nights a week (the entire series is free on Amazon Prime, fwiw).

 It's a strange show.    So innocent and slow moving that it borders on creepy to my jaded adult eye.    For the kids, I'm convinced it's perfect.    The show does a great job explaining things that are very real, and not all that easy to explain.    It covers heavier topics than you probably remember, if you haven't seen it in years...sad feelings, even death, etc.   And it does all this without ever playing to the adult audience -- it's focused squarely on the child.

The show also avoids any hint of fireworks.   It doesn't offer constant rewards, but rather moves at the pace of life (maybe even slower).   It's designed to challenge attention spans, not shorten them.

The only part that loses me are the 'Trolly Time' fantasy segments.   The kid's never lose interest, but I can't follow them.   Maybe I'm just too old to understand them.    Mr Rogers (with neighbors) segments and the 'factory tour....how this is made' videos both suck me in though.

So, everyone knows how Mr Rogers enters the house singing and puts on a different color sweater at the start of each show.   I started the game of guessing what color sweater he would wear.   I never called it once, but Lily got it right 3 times in a row.    The first two times might have been luck, but on the third she admitted her secret.   He always pulls the sweater from the left side, even though there are clearly 4 or 5 other sweaters in the closet.

The old neighborhood

I found myself in the old neighborhood today. 

I took the opportunity and drove down Bluehill lane.   I saw a house that I could barely remember and it was well cared for.   For some reason you want to size up the people that live there and what I saw was that they drive a minivan and apparently have a child in the military.    They are just regular people, like we were.
 
Tomorrow is Mothers Day and in July it will be 10 years since I lost my mom.   It's sad that my first memory when seeing the house was the time when she passed.   I have to strain to think of other times there, even though the regular times were so much more common.   

Tenets of parenting

I was trying to boil down the tenets of how to be a good parent (IMO).....

1.  Turn the TV off.   Make turning it on a special social event, not a ritual of escapism.    Don't fear content, but do fear the constant rewards it provides.

2.  Pay close attention to their friends - peers, and do whatever possible to make sure they are good & diverse.   Those friends will have as much of an effect on your kid as you.

3.  Look at kids as scientists and be patient.  It's good if they change interests and want to try everything.   There will be plenty of failed experiments along the way.

4.  Make the kid do things for themselves, even if it's more work.   Force independence from the diaper into adulthood.   So many adults are incompetent at basic things (cooking, laundry, etc) because their parents didn't take the time to make them do things for themselves.

5.  Then just hope they got a good mix of genes, because it has a bigger effect than anything a parent can do.    

Nate's bedtime speech

This is what Nate says when I'm taking him to bed, and he'd prefer his mom, who happens to be putting his sister to bed:

"Mommy take a bed me.   
No Daddy take a bed me.
Daddy take a bed sissy.
 Mommy take a bed me."  

I'd note that while the grammar is off, it's actually structured properly for English - SVO (Subject-Verb-Object).  

Taking down the walls

I've been neglecting this blog, and that's a shame, because it's probably the most valuable thing I can do on the Internet.    It's not for lack of topics either.    Both the kid's are continuously amazing.   I've also made major changes in my career in the past couple months.    

In fact, just yesterday we took the side off Nate's crib.    I explained what I was going to do, but he still squealed with awe while watching the wall come down.   Later he said that I 'broke' his bed, but it's all semantics, because he's very happy with the change. 

We were forced to take down the crib, since it didn't stop him from getting out.    He can bound over the crib wall in seconds, and has been doing that for the last few weeks.    The first sign he had woken up was usually when he cheerfully, yet groggily, opened his door and waded into the hallway.   

On at least one occasion he wound up in our bed, contentedly sleeping, and we didn't even notice till morning.    That contrasts with his sister who rarely wakes up cheerful, and would usually demand a place between her parents with crying & screaming.

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Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
Oscar Wilde

Skipping class

I get a sense of guilt every time I drop off Nate.    Everyone at the school loves him, but there is no disguising how much work he is right now.    Just in these first few months at the new school, he's earned quite a reputation for misbehavior.

The teachers tell us how he'll escape from the class room and run to the front office or his sisters classroom.   They laugh about how they have found him sitting in the directors/principal's chair or talking to the receptionist in front.    They've also found him working with his sister (in her classroom), on a few occasions

His teachers have made efforts to make things 'more interesting' to keep his attention, and have even taken to walking him up and down the hall 4 or 5 times, just to wear him down.

Things are changing though.   We've adopted some disciplinary methods at home and have seen definite improvement over the last month (likely due to his own development rather then anything we are doing).

I'm sure, someday, we'll look back on these issues and laugh.   Hopefully.

I swear

It's embarrassing how much I swear.    Even the smallest frustration or excitement and I spit out F-words left and right.

What amazes me most is that Lily has never said a swear word near me -- not once.    All the times I've used the F-word (and various others) while driving or working (failing) at something, and she hasn't even tried to repeat them a single time.  

Nate's a different story.   If I so much as mutter something under my breath he'll repeat it 10 times.    So, one time Cindy questioned my parking, and I pointed out that it was due to the way the 'jerk off' next to me parked.    For the next five minutes we were barraged with the little guy saying 'Jerk Off', specifically pulling out the important part of my statement and repeating it with authority.   He said it with an amazing clarity given that he'd probably never heard that phrase before.   All this while his sister didn't raise a peep.   She sat quietly in the car seat next to him and didn't even bother trying out the new phrase..

An exclusive club

So few things we do have not been done before.   The paths we walk down are like that because many have walked them before.    Yesterday, I did something that I feel puts me into an exclusive club.   Probably not the first, but definitely one of few.

The dynamics of the situation were thus:   1)  I had finished dinner   2)  Cindy was still eating 3) Our little girl needed her bottom wiped  and 4)  she had a preference as to who did the job -- and it wasn't me.

So there I was negotiating with someone to wipe their bottom.   Yes, that was it.   I bargained to wipe someone else.  It was a serious negotiation filled with reasoned arguments and promises for the future.

I just wanted to note the absurdity of it all.